Back Here Again

I'm at a strange spot right now.  I've been here before I guess but each time I come to this spot again it is all the more frustrating.  God has blessed me amazingly.  I'm not complaining about where I am or what I have.  I'm very content but still confused.

I have a very passionate personality.  I get really excited about things and put everything I have into them but most of my passions fade away and leave me feeling like I just wasted a bunch of time.  First I should point out things that I have been very passionate about that have not faded:  My love for Christ, thankfully just keeps growing.  My passion as a homemaker also just keeps growing.  I am so grateful that these things remain strong on my heart. I have wondered if these too would just fade like everything else but I know better.

God has given me many talents and I do see them as blessings. I'm an artist, I sew, I bake, I even write a bit.  I often feel lead to do something with the thing that is driving my passion at the time.  I will back up to when I was called to be a homemaker.  At that very moment, I was crying out to God asking what he wants from me and why I start things and never finish.  My journey began to becoming a homemaker and it was a beautiful journey and I knew what the outcome was going to be so I felt very lead to write about it.  I wrote and wrote and here I am today as a homemaker.  I am giving it 100% and I truly love it.  I have never been happier.

I wanted to be the best at my job I could so besides keeping a clean house, I decided to start saving us some money and cooking from scratch.  This was very new to me but I loved it.  I was amazed when I lost 20 lbs that had been hanging around since I got out of college.  I started looking into the processed foods to see if that was the cause of me hanging onto all that extra weight.  I'm convinced it was and I'm convinced those foods are the cause of so many other health problems because we are so deceived.  With this new knowledge, I felt lead to share.  I have poured my heart and time into a blog to share with others so they too can be blessed by this.  Now suddenly, I don't feel lead.  I don't know how to put anymore effort into this blog and really don't know what I'm doing it for. 

That got me thinking about my book that I had been writing.  I went back to it and realized, I wrote so much.  It's almost done but I feel overwhelmed now to sit and organize it and to finish it.  So I just have this feeling of being lead out into the middle of no where for no reason and being dropped off over and over again.  I search myself time and again and each time wondering if my heart was wrong and that's why I'm being left with time ill spent.  It makes me want to hold back from the things I get passionate about, like I don't want to pour myself into anything because it won't last.  I do wonder if me not finishing or following through is just being lazy or irresponsible but I know my duties and when I start feeling this way then I feel like I'm wasting my time and neglecting the things God wants me to do.  So I really am confused.  I don't know if anyone has a personality that is like mine but I feel a little lost right now.  I never escape that feeling that God has something else he wants me doing for him that's going to make a difference in peoples' lives and that's why he's given me the talents and the drive he gave me.  Unfortunately that drive doesn't last.  When I give up because I lost the drive, is that me not being dedicated or am I really suppose to push through and finish these things.  I'm willing to do that.  I just feel time is so valuable and I want to use it where God wants me to.  Why is it so hard to figure out if I'm working for me or for God? 

Financial Trouble?

Do Not Worry


22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?


27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.


32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

This is beautiful.  This is your peace.  Having more money won't fix ANYTHING.  Learning to rest in God's securities and promises is the only real peace and joy.  One person suggested reading this before sitting to pay your bills.  I think that is a GREAT idea!

If I Weren't a Mom

If I weren't a mom
Then who would I be
Life would be less hectic
I would be more free

If I weren't a mom
Then what would I do
My house would be clean
The whole day through

If I weren't a mom
I would be so lost
I wouldn't give this up
Not at any cost

If I weren't a mom
I just couldn't see
What kind of life
That would be for me

God purposefully made me
for the role that I'm in
And given the chance,
I'd do it over again

No freedom or clean house
Could ever compare
To the fullness in my heart
That my children put there

Thankful to God
For the life He's given me
Two beautiful blessings
And soon to be three