Back Here Again

I'm at a strange spot right now.  I've been here before I guess but each time I come to this spot again it is all the more frustrating.  God has blessed me amazingly.  I'm not complaining about where I am or what I have.  I'm very content but still confused.

I have a very passionate personality.  I get really excited about things and put everything I have into them but most of my passions fade away and leave me feeling like I just wasted a bunch of time.  First I should point out things that I have been very passionate about that have not faded:  My love for Christ, thankfully just keeps growing.  My passion as a homemaker also just keeps growing.  I am so grateful that these things remain strong on my heart. I have wondered if these too would just fade like everything else but I know better.

God has given me many talents and I do see them as blessings. I'm an artist, I sew, I bake, I even write a bit.  I often feel lead to do something with the thing that is driving my passion at the time.  I will back up to when I was called to be a homemaker.  At that very moment, I was crying out to God asking what he wants from me and why I start things and never finish.  My journey began to becoming a homemaker and it was a beautiful journey and I knew what the outcome was going to be so I felt very lead to write about it.  I wrote and wrote and here I am today as a homemaker.  I am giving it 100% and I truly love it.  I have never been happier.

I wanted to be the best at my job I could so besides keeping a clean house, I decided to start saving us some money and cooking from scratch.  This was very new to me but I loved it.  I was amazed when I lost 20 lbs that had been hanging around since I got out of college.  I started looking into the processed foods to see if that was the cause of me hanging onto all that extra weight.  I'm convinced it was and I'm convinced those foods are the cause of so many other health problems because we are so deceived.  With this new knowledge, I felt lead to share.  I have poured my heart and time into a blog to share with others so they too can be blessed by this.  Now suddenly, I don't feel lead.  I don't know how to put anymore effort into this blog and really don't know what I'm doing it for. 

That got me thinking about my book that I had been writing.  I went back to it and realized, I wrote so much.  It's almost done but I feel overwhelmed now to sit and organize it and to finish it.  So I just have this feeling of being lead out into the middle of no where for no reason and being dropped off over and over again.  I search myself time and again and each time wondering if my heart was wrong and that's why I'm being left with time ill spent.  It makes me want to hold back from the things I get passionate about, like I don't want to pour myself into anything because it won't last.  I do wonder if me not finishing or following through is just being lazy or irresponsible but I know my duties and when I start feeling this way then I feel like I'm wasting my time and neglecting the things God wants me to do.  So I really am confused.  I don't know if anyone has a personality that is like mine but I feel a little lost right now.  I never escape that feeling that God has something else he wants me doing for him that's going to make a difference in peoples' lives and that's why he's given me the talents and the drive he gave me.  Unfortunately that drive doesn't last.  When I give up because I lost the drive, is that me not being dedicated or am I really suppose to push through and finish these things.  I'm willing to do that.  I just feel time is so valuable and I want to use it where God wants me to.  Why is it so hard to figure out if I'm working for me or for God?